


Then you're gonna ask am I gonna take it slow

by quietwandering



Series: Bad Girl [2]
Category: The Smiths
Genre: Drug Use, F/M, First Time, Frottage, Implied/Referenced Underage, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:07:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26240863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quietwandering/pseuds/quietwandering
Summary: I said don't you worry there's no place to go
Relationships: Johnny Marr/Andy Rourke
Series: Bad Girl [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1906117
Comments: 12
Kudos: 10





	Then you're gonna ask am I gonna take it slow

**Author's Note:**

> Here's 7k more of this story, now from Andy's POV. These two are the best boyfriends, and I love them. Thank you B for giving me so much support and motivation.
> 
> This is pre-Smiths. Johnny is probably 17/18, Andy is probably 16/17.
> 
> Title is [Bad Girl](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_P-RAGHGKN8) by New York Dolls

“Yeah, man. I’m sorry, just - with the new job and stuff, y’know? But I promise we’ll hang soon.” 

Johnny and I sat at our familiar bench outside the school. I had chain smoked three cigarettes in too short a time and was a bit buzzed from the nicotine. My face itched from where I’d forgotten to shave this morning, and I had a blister on the side of my hand from where I’d tried to drunkenly use the hob last night. I wasn’t in the best mood. 

“Whatever, I guess. S’fine. I should pick up more hours at the lumberyard anyways.” 

Johnny immediately gave me that severe look which meant I’d pissed him off, but it was weirdly fine with me - as I at least had his full attention for a few minutes. That was a childish thing to think, I realized, but I was about to lose my mind. Johnny had been busy for _days_ and every time I fell asleep I woke up to sticky sheets, my mind racing with thoughts of the last time he’d touched me. 

“I can’t afford to not have this job, Andy. My ma isn’t gonna just buy me a new guitar, now is she?” 

I shrugged and let my eyes follow a trail of ants through the grass. He was right, of course. There was no real reason for me to be upset. Johnny and I didn’t ever really fight about anything except maybe what record to put on. He led and I followed. That’s just how it’d always been. Johnny had got me my first bass, my first pair of proper fitting jeans - he’d shown me how to roll a joint when we were fourteen and taught me how to kiss a few weeks ago. Now I wanted even more from him, and it was fuckin’ pathetic. 

“Alright, I’ve gotta catch the bus, but I’ll phone you when I’m home, okay?” Johnny reached for my hand, and I let him hold it for a minute before he grabbed his book bag and headed off. I watched him till he went round the corner then lit another fag. 

/ 

“Should’ve bloody seen ‘em! Massive skinhead. ‘ _Wot’re ye doin’ workin here, ya fuckin’ poof_.’ That’s what he said to me! Can you believe it? I should’ve clocked him, the right cunt.” 

I fiddled with the bag of weed in my hands, phone cradled against my ear, and nodded as if Johnny could see me. Johnny went on as if he _had_ seen me, and I sank down to sit on the floor, my legs tired from standing for half an hour. I wished I could’ve had a phone in my room like Chris, but I had no doubt every single one of my calls would’ve been listened in to if I did - though my brothers would be incredibly disappointed to find out that I only ever talked to Johnny. 

“Went down to London the other day - the boss paid for it, too! And I got all sorts of stuff to bring back to the shop. He says it’s the best way to know what’s _in_. I mean, I could’ve bloody told ‘em for free, but - I got to eat at this nice chipper in King’s Road so it’s whatever. King’s Road! Can you believe it? It was _amazing_ , Andy. I wish you could’ve been there.” 

“Did Angie go?” 

Johnny was quiet for a long enough time that I knew the answer. I stared up the stairwell towards my room and wished I had my pipe. “Uh, yeah, but - just to help me carry stuff back, s’all. He said...the boss said it was fine -”

“That it was fine to let your girlfriend go?” 

“Andy, c’mon. Y’know I would’ve loved to take you, but we’re both skint. That’s why I got this job in the first place, innit?” 

I rubbed at my stubble. I kept forgetting to shave, but I also kind of wanted to grow a bit of a hippy beard like John Lennon. Johnny would never forgive me though. “Yeah,” I said after a minute. “Yeah, I know.” 

“I get a few days off soon. We’ll get drunk off our arses and listen to that new Bowie record, yeah? _Lodger_?” 

“Yeah,” I said. I had mostly just listened to _Boys Keep Swinging_ \- the rest of the album hadn’t done much for me. I had much preferred _Station to Station_ to the whole Berlin trilogy, really, but I didn’t mind giving it another try. “Yeah, alright. Guess I’ll see you at school tomorrow?” 

“Nah, I’ve got some stuff to do but...maybe Wednesday? Fuck, we’re so bloody close to being out of that place. Not soon enough though, that's for goddamn sure.” 

That meant I’d not be going to school, either. It wasn’t worth showing up to have Alice sit next to me at lunch and try talking to me like I had something interesting to say - I didn’t. I was the most uninteresting person in the world, honestly, no matter how much Johnny insisted otherwise. “I’ma head up then. Bit tired.” 

“Mr. Harrison again?”

“Yeah, fuckin’ gave me detention cause I was in two minutes late. I brought a magazine with me though so it wasn’t too bad.” Johnny laughed, and I huffed and rolled my eyes. “Oh, piss off - it was the bloody newest issue of Sounds not...not _that_ , you fuckin’ pervert.”

“Think you’re gonna need to buy a new one soon anyways, huh? Bet you’ve worn that other one out.” 

I hadn’t. I could barely look at it most days. None of the guys looked like Johnny, and I much preferred to flip through Smash Hits and look at pictures of Bill Wyman and Keith Richards together. “Yeah, summat like that,” I answered, and I knew Johnny could tell I wasn’t being honest with him. It probably made him mad, but I didn’t care.

“Just remember -”

“ _I got it_ ,” I stuttered out before Johnny could finish that sentence. “Lotion, I got it. Fuck me. You’re never gonna bloody let that go.”

I’d used conditioner as slick the other day and broke out something terrible. Johnny had nearly laughed himself to death over it. It wasn’t like I was fuckin’ able to find this shit out. Christ. Who was I supposed to ask? My da? My brothers? I sighed in frustration as Johnny continued to stifle down some giggles which meant he’d been getting high while I was stuck down here on this drafty wooden floor, stone sober. 

“I got some lube, y’know? From the chemist - and some rubbers.” Johnny’s voice had changed to that tone which made my throat feel tight. I stared at my lap and picked at a loose thread in my Crazy Horse shirt. “I think about usin’ ‘em on you all the time. Can’t bloody wait till I can.” 

I pulled my knees up, shifted a little, and clutched the phone a little tighter. I wanted to tell him to stop, but I also wanted him up in my room with me again. “Guess you should bring them then, when you next come over.” 

“Guess so.” Johnny was quiet in a way that meant he was locking his bedroom door. I bit at my lip and was glad I was home alone for the moment. I didn’t know when any of my brothers would be in, but I was close enough to the front door I’d be able to hear it open. I heard the creak of Johnny’s bed, and if it wasn’t half past nine at night I’d have walked to his gaff right then and there. “Are you -”

“Yeah,” I said, too quickly. I flushed with embarrassment and hid my face into my knees. For a moment, I wish I could’ve been a regular bloke on the phone with Alice or something, but then Johnny started to talk again and it reminded me that I didn’t want anything else but him and him alone.

“Fuck, Andy.” Johnny was quiet for another moment, and I could hear the pull of his zipper in the silence. “You’ve no bloody idea how bad I wanted to drag you into the loo this morning. I’d have snogged you right in the stalls if I could. Miss you.” 

“Yeah,” I repeated, wishing I could just say the words back and that I didn’t feel ready to pass out anytime I let Johnny know what was on my mind. I envied how fuckin’ easy Johnny made it all seem - as if us being together was just a thing that’d be alright with everyone. 

“I’d have fuckin’ pushed you up against the door, grabbed you down there.” Johnny’s voice was more breathy now, more aroused. I pulled at my hair and squeezed my eyes shut, the picture vivid in my mind. “I’d have made you come. I’d kiss you while you did, too - I’d put my tongue against yours an’ everything.” 

My own breath was shallow now. I couldn’t touch myself here, couldn’t risk getting caught with my hand down my jeans in the living room, but I wasn’t entirely sure I’d even needed to with the way I felt. I squeezed my thighs together some, just to ease the ache, and shivered. “C-can’t stop,” I whispered, forcing the words out. “I can’t stop thinkin’ about you...a-at night.” 

“Tell me. Tell me about it,” Johnny said, and I could hear the wet noises that meant he was close. I felt so warm, so pent up. I wanted Johnny to quit his job, and me quit mine, and we fuck off somewhere where no one could find us and we could just stay in bed all day snogging and getting high. 

“Touchin’ me, like you did. I...I want it.” I paused as Johnny moaned, and a strange burst of confidence rattled through me. I snaked my hand down and rubbed myself a bit, head tipping back as my arousal built. “Want you to wank me, with your fuckin’ hands. _Fuck_.” 

“Yeah? You like when I touch you, Andrew?” 

I wasn’t able to stop myself. It happened with such force and such intensity I about blacked out from it, curling up tight and sinking further onto the floor. I could just about hear Johnny’s own climax, but my ears were ringing so loud everything else sounded a little muffled. I let out a low noise, a stupid sounding one no doubt, and trembled through the aftermath. 

We sat in comfortable silence for a long time, my eyes shut as I drifted in and out of a pleasurable haze. I could hear him shift down under the covers and longed to be in my own bed, with him in it beside me. I didn’t want to hang up the phone, didn’t want to have to accept I’d not see him again till Wednesday, didn't want to be alone all over again.

“S’late,” Johnny whispered, and I shrugged indifferently. I was sure he could hear it just fine. “You need to go get cleaned up.” 

“Don’t care,” I replied, meaning it. I’d have been okay just falling asleep right here on the floor, mess in my jeans and all. 

“You gotta get up for me. Gotta run upstairs, wipe yourself down, then get yourself some sleep so we can chat tomorrow, yeah?” 

I swallowed, my throat dry and parched, and hated myself for how much I always wanted to do just what he said. “Alright. Talk soon,” I murmured, and Johnny whispered the same before setting down the receiver. 

/

A few days later, Johnny said he'd be able to stay the weekend, Friday night to Sunday, and I struggled to keep my excitement at a reasonable level. Alice and her group of friends were sitting with us at the lunch table, so it'd probably seem really weird to them if I started mooning over my best mate, though, really, I'd been doing just that since I was 11 and saw him pick up a guitar for the first time. 

"Dude! If you're free this weekend then you should come to my party on Saturday. It's gonna be fuckin' wicked," Alice said, waving her hands about excitedly. "We're gonna have a fuckin' _ton_ of weed, too, and y’know - some other stuff."

I stared down at the unrecognizable food on my plate and sighed. I could hear Johnny saying we might stop in even though I didn't want to go. Johnny was aware of that, of course, but he was always dragging me along anyways. Alice raised her arms up like she’d won some great victory, and all her friends started to excitedly chatter to one another. "Might be nice to jam with someone, huh?" Johnny said as he nudged me with his elbow.

This was Johnny trying to encourage me to go, but I stayed stubbornly silent, refusing to meet his gaze. I wasn't trying to be an asshole, really. I just wasn't like him - I preferred to either hang out with him or be by myself entirely. I wasn't an interesting person, and I didn't have much to say about anything other than Neil Young and the Rolling Stones.

"No worries, man! It'd be so sick though. You gotta...a Rickenbacker, right?"

Alice and Johnny went spiraling into endless chitchat about their guitars, and I went to go throw my plate away, untouched.

/

"Andy, c'mon. It's just for a couple hours on Saturday. What's it gonna hurt?"

I had brought a chair in from the kitchen this time around. It wasn't exactly the most comfortable thing, but it was better than lying on the floor. "Just rather stay in, s'all."

Johnny sighed and took a bite of his cereal, and I held the phone from my ear from just how loud it crackled. "Look, it'll be a nice way to relax - and there's free weed, man. That's the best kind."

He wasn't wrong. Still, I much preferred getting high in my own room, not with a crowd of people I didn't know. Johnny took another aggressive bite of his cereal, and I pulled at my hair in thought. "Guess so."

The problem with this conversation was that it was all pointless. I'd end up going one way or the other. If Johnny wanted me in tow then that was that. I wasn’t sure why Johnny even bothered trying to convince me anymore. "I've the perfect pair of jeans for you to wear. They're gonna make that nice arse of yours look even better, mate."

I blushed, which was another thing I hated about myself- I was like a fuckin' shy young lass whenever Johnny gave me the slightest compliment. Any other bloke have told Johnny to fuck off and stop being such a queer, but I just sat there with my heart in my throat and my stomach in knots. "Whatever."

"Plus you can bring your bass! Alice would love to see you play. She talks about it all the time. Says you remind her of John Paul Jones."

"That's a bit much, innit?" I scratched at my nose and sniffled a bit. I'd been fighting off a cold this whole week cause of my stupid brothers. "I dunno."

"Well, I guess we'll see how it goes on Saturday. Is Chris home?"

"Yeah, for a bit. Just stopped to get some stuff before heading back to Lacey's house."

"Bloody moved in there hasn't he?" I shrugged and fiddled with the phone cord. Johnny cleaned up his bowl in the sink, and I heard him walk up the stairs to his rented room in the attic. I was so jealous he got to live on his own like that. "Imagine we lived in a big gaff together one day. That'd be a sight, wouldn’t it?"

"Not sure Angie be up for that," I mumbled, well aware I was being difficult.

"Oh, you never know. Might be able to convince her somehow. Snog her on Tuesday, you on Wednesday." 

I laughed despite how hard I was trying not to and leaned back in my chair some. "Yeah, alright. S'long as I don't need to snog her on Thursday that'd be fine." Johnny was quiet, in a way that meant he was thinking about something he shouldn't, and I rolled my eyes so hard I'd thought they'd fall out. "You bloody pervert."

"Maybe just -?"

"No."

/

Johnny was playing something soft and melancholic that reminded me of the Manchester rain pelting against a window pane on a long bus ride home from work. I was most of the way through a joint, and my mind was clouded with disjointed thoughts and explosive bursts of color. I wasn't sure if it was Friday night or Saturday morning, but it didn't really bother me one way or the other. "S'really good, man."

"You think so?" Johnny said, with a sincere tone. I nodded and took another long hit, letting the smoke trickle out through my nose. He leaned over me to sit the guitar down by the side of the bed, and I shivered at the sharp scent of his aftershave. "I'm gonna have to get a proper tape deck soon. Fuckin' tired of having to borrow one all the time to make our demos."

"Yeah," I murmured, my brain still stuck thinking about how good he smelt. Johnny tugged the spliff from my fingers and patted around for a lighter till he remembered it was on the nightstand. As he reached across me again to grab it, I let myself bury my face into his shoulder and groaned at the smell of that rich musk. It was just turning me right the fuck on for some reason. " _Fuck_ , Johnny -"

Johnny giggled and shifted to sit in my lap, tossing the joint down on the bed before pushing our lips together. It was those same close mouthed ones I was used to at this point, but I didn't mind. I liked Johnny kissing me however and whenever so us not touching tongues didnt bother me all that much. I just wanted Johnny's mouth on mine with his arms tightly around me. 

I gasped when he grabbed at my hair after a minute and tugged on it. It was just to lean my head back some, but it felt so good. My jeans tightened when he did it again, a little rougher this time, and I could feel his laugh before I heard it. "Y'like that, huh?" Johnny whispered, and I pulled at his shirt, tried to nod but his hand hadn't let go. "You're so fuckin' hot, Andy. God, it's fuckin' mental."

Our lips met again, harder, with more force and intensity, and I couldn't picture ever kissing a girl like this - in this slightly painful but pleasurable way. It was the way a boy would kiss, the way _Johnny_ kissed, and it made me dizzy with want and need. I moaned, loud, as Johnny yanked my hair once more, his lips skidding down my chin as my head snapped back. " _Fuck_."

My hips helplessly pushed up from the bed, bumped hard into Johnny's own, and I was sure I could come just like this. I didn't even need Johnny to touch me. This was already enough to have my cock throbbing, my underwear soaked with what Johnny had told me was precome. This was what I'd been needing for _days_ now.

Johnny's hand pushed under my shirt and groped at my chest, roughly squeezing at my pecs. I almost thought it was just cause he was so used to snogging Angie - but when he started to brush his thumbs over my nipples I saw stars. They were way more sensitive than I expected. "Gonna...oh fuck, Johnny. Johnny, I'm gonna -"

I squeezed my eyes shut as Johnny rushed to unbutton my jeans, mumbling obscene things in my ear all the while. I came as soon as he tugged my cock out, hunched over and trembling as he stroked me through my climax. I thought I'd never stop coming. "That's it, Andy. That's so fuckin' good, innit?"

I couldn't get my tongue to work so I nodded, hoping that was enough to show my appreciation. Johnny leaned me back against the headboard, and I could feel my cock trying to swell up again as he slowly licked his hand clean of my come. That should've disgusted me, been a wake up call that I was some sort of terrible degenerate, but I wanted nothing more than for him to kiss me and ruin me completely. 

Once his hand was slick with saliva, he unzipped his own jeans and started to stroke himself off. I watched intently through my half lidded eyes, distantly wishing I could be as comfortable touching myself. It was still too overwhelming though, how good it felt - like that time I accidentally took too many shrooms and didn't come down for two days straight. 

Johnny's soft sigh caught my attention, and I dragged my hand up his thigh before tentatively wrapping my hand around his own, stilling it. "Fuck, _please_. Andy -"

I hesitated for a moment, wondering if I should just let go, but I was able to work up enough courage to tangle our fingers together. Johnny led the way, as always, and soon he had both our hands working together to get him off. It didn't take long for him to come, a few minutes at most, but I let my hand drop away as if I was exhausted. 

I should have wiped the mess off on my jeans, but I found myself slowly flexing my fingers instead, watching the translucent beads of come stretch and pop between my knuckles. Johnny giggled before he reached for the joint and flicked opened his Zippo, grinning wickedly at me when I glanced over. "Go on then. I think it's hot when Angie does it."

Steeling myself, I quickly sucked my fingers clean before I lost the nerve, gagging a bit at the taste. It was kind of bitter and salty, but I didn't mind it really. It reminded me of when I'd accidentally get pool water in my mouth as a kid and didn’t get a chance to spit it out. 

A waft of light gray smoke drifted past, and I rubbed my hands dry so I could take a hit, Johnny beaming at me when he passed the lighter over. "You missed a bit right…here."

I rolled my eyes when he leaned in to lick across my cheek, nudging his lips down to kiss me. I was surprised to feel his tongue push in and wrap around my own but was glad for it all the same. He pulled back after a few minutes, and his lips looked swollen and sore, deep red and slick. It made my cock twitch again, and I could swear it was actually hardening this time, though I was too wiped to go another round. "Was that good?" I murmured, breath shallow.

"Better than good. You're fuckin' amazing, Andy - the fuckin' best."

/

"Just quit your bloody moaning and put them on already."

"They won't bloody _fit -_ "

Johnny shoved me down on the toilet before he started to impatiently pull the jeans up my legs for me. I wanted to kick my feet, be difficult about it, but I just crossed my arms and let out a massive sigh of frustration. I didn't want to go to this party in the first place and now Johnny wanted me to wear a pair of jeans that were way too tight like some sort of Teddy boy. 

"Alright, lift up," Johnny said, yanking the waist up and nearly crushing my balls in the process. I yelped in pain and tried to get away, but Johnny held me in place till the buttons were done up. "There. Perfect. Alright, let me get the flat iron, and we'll be done."

I could barely stand up but Johnny said it'd not be a problem if I just didn't sit down. He was a real comedian, I told him, an actual fuckin' clown if I ever saw one. A look in the mirror confirmed this was definitely the worst thing to have ever happened to me - as I could see the clear line of my dick pressing out from the denim. "No. No bloody way. I look _ridiculous_ , Johnny."

"It's called fashion, Andy. You should be thanking me. Every bird at the party'll be wanting a piece of you," Johnny said, as if I cared what some girl thought about me. I bloody didn't, that was for sure.

Johnny pulled a comb through my hair before flattening it down with the straightener, humming like he was enjoying himself. I refused to let him put eyeliner on me, I looked stupid enough already, thanks, but I did allow him to dust some silvery eyeshadow across my browbone. It was hardly noticeable and stopped him complaining about everything else. "Can we just get goin' already? Fuckin' hell."

"Yeah, alright. C'mon. Get your bass - my kit is already in the car. And don't forget a pick this time -"

"Oh, _piss off_."

/

The party was a proper bore. No surprise there. I mostly sat on the couch with a beer and smoked. It allowed me to not talk to anyone for the most part aside from all the totally sloshed blokes stumbling around the place, who were good for a laugh if nothing else. 

I shouldn't have been surprised to see Angie there, Johnny had said she might come, but it hurt to see her hanging off his arm, continually reminding me two blokes aren't meant to be together. Though one of Johnny's other friends, Andrew, seemed content to snog every boy in the room, so that left me feeling a little conflicted.

Every once in a while I'd see Alice glancing at me over her shoulder, though I made every effort to look elsewhere. Eventually she did make her way over with an extra drink in her hand, and I tried not to look too disappointed when she paused in front of me. "Hey, man. You’re lookin' good tonight."

That was a lie. I looked like a right wanker thanks to Johnny, but that wouldn't be the right thing to say in response to a compliment, would it? So I stared down at the ugly shag carpet instead and hoped she'd go away if I just ignored her for a while, knowing Johnny would probably kill me if he found out I was being such an asshole.

Unfortunately Alice sat herself down next to me and handed the drink over with a patient smile. It smelled strongly of vodka and something kind of sweet - fruit juice maybe? It tasted awful, but I drank it all down anyways just to distract myself. "That's your bass, right? I'd love to hear you play."

"Uh, yeah," I said, glancing warily at the case propped up beside me. I'd rather do anything other than play my bass in front of her, but I wasn't sure I'd have much of a choice in the matter. "M’not sure -"

"Let's go upstairs. It'll be quieter there," Alice said as she stood up, grabbing my case for me. "My guitar's up there, too. We can rock out together! It’ll be totally awesome."

My feet felt like concrete as I followed her across the room and up the stairs. I could feel Johnny's eyes on my back, and I wanted him to do something, get me out of this somehow, anything other than stand there laughing politely with Angie in his arms. I wanted to be back in my bed, away from all this awful music and meddling gossip, but Alice was pulling me into her room with an insistent look on her face, not taking no for an answer.

"Sorry about the mess. I'm hardly ever in here most days." Alice kicked a few piles of laundry out the way, and I took in the dark red walls and the gig posters stapled on every surface. I only recognized a few - Buzzcocks, Sex Pistols, The Nosebleeds. The rest were all lost on me, but I was pretty sure she probably didn't give a shit about Neil Young _or_ the Rolling Stones so I was gonna be pretty limited in terms of conversation.

Alice grabbed her cherry red Gibson Les Paul after setting my case down on the bed. It had an anarchy symbol painted on it which was an interesting touch, and I went to pull out my bass. Her amp was sat on an old steamer trunk by the closet so I cleared a place on the floor nearby so I could plug myself in. We both tuned our instruments, and I followed her lead as she began to play.

I struggled to find a way to match the aggressive, choppy chords she used, I was way more used to harmonizing with Johnny's soft melodic riffs, but I managed to get a better feel for it once I started to pull the strings with my fingers instead of my pick, giving it more of a punk sound. I'd not ever really learned any songs this loud or discordant, but I found myself enjoying it more than I expected.

"You're fuckin' amazing! I can't believe it," Alice said, almost breathless, as she shook her wrists out a bit. "How'd you learn to play like that?"

"Johnny," I answered, wishing he was here right then. Alice nodded and went to set her guitar down before pulling a small box out from under her bed. She waved me over, and I reluctantly got up to take a look, carefully putting my bass away as I did.

There was an assortment of pills and stuff all neatly laid out along with a few glass pipes. She pulled out a bag of fine white powder and shook it towards me, but I had no idea what it was and stared blankly at her in response, nervously scratching my stubble. "Shit, man. You're gonna be blown away. Here -"

Alice sat everything off the bed, including my bass, and pulled me down to sit next to her. She twisted open the bag and dipped her pinky finger inside, lifting it towards my nose. I tilted back a bit to avoid her jamming it right up my nostril and tried not to panic as she grabbed at my shoulder. "Is...is that coke or summat?" 

"Nah, better than that. Here, snort this, yeah?"

This seemed like a really bad idea, with Johnny not being here and all, but I leaned in to do as she asked, too nervous to tell her no, and suddenly felt short of breath as it lodged in my sinus. I was hit with a mild, sort of pleasurable sensation that made me feel tingly right down to my toes. It was nice. Really nice.

Alice scooped a much bigger bump out for herself, and her blue grey eyes rolled back as she snorted it. She smiled over at me with a sort of dreamy look on her face, her black lipstick smeared around her full lips, and I kissed her without really knowing why. The metal of her lip rings dug into me in a painful way, but I couldn't think much beyond the bliss in my brain. 

She ended up in my lap, threading her fingers through my hair, and my mind echoed back to Johnny doing the same thing to me yesterday. I imagined it was him here instead, those thin, rough lips on mine instead of these softer, stickier ones, and all at once I felt my cock start to harden, seeing his face in my mind, slackened with pleasure.

I wasn't sure when Alice had taken her shirt off, or when I'd taken mine off, but she tugged my face down to her breasts and I tensed up as my fantasy of Johnny shattered. I pushed up off the bed and scrambled to my feet, feeling the world tilt sideways. Alice stared up at me, asking what was wrong, but I didn't have a way to say _everything_ so I grabbed my bass instead and made my way out the room, the cool air of the hallway making me shiver. 

Johnny. Where was Johnny? I needed to find him somehow. My thoughts were so muddled, my hands shook, and I desperately wanted to leave. I found the stairs after a long while and prayed that Johnny might be at the bottom of them, though each step down looked more treacherous than the next with my blurry vision. It wasn’t great when I was sober but now it was like seeing everything through a foggy mirror. 

"Hey -"

That was Alice's voice, and it was nearby, possibly even behind me, so I took the stairs two at a time to get away from her despite the danger. Johnny wasn't there at the last step, but at least he was across the room. I called for him, walked towards him as fast I could, and was relieved when he looked over at long last. Finally. _Finally._

His arms were around me, and I sunk against him tiredly. I felt like I'd crossed a vast ocean. Angie's much smaller hands brushed down my back soon afterwards, her voice full of concern, and she guided us outside to Johnny's car, which was actually her car but that didn't matter much right then, did it? I laid in the back with my bass and shut my eyes, hoping I’d pass out soon.

/

I didn't know where I was when I woke up, which was a little unusual. The ceiling was wooden and sloped down towards a tiny window, and there was no mural on the wall, just some ordinary paintings. I flung an arm over my eyes to think things through - but nothing useful came to mind.

When I rolled over, I realized I must have been in Johnny's room as he was there lying next to me, dead asleep. That was a relief. He snuffled a bit and let out a huge sigh, and it was enough to make me push closer and rest my head on his chest, though it was usually the other way around. His heartbeat was a perfect rhythmic thump that had my fingers tapping along against his ribcage. 

"Andy? Y'awake?" Johnny mumbled through a yawn big enough his jaw creaked. "Y'okay?"

I shrugged. I didn't really know. Johnny made another sound but fell back asleep before he got out any actual words, and I decided to follow suit seeing as I didn't have any desire to leave his side.

/

The eggs Johnny made were so greasy when I swallowed them down I was surprised they didn't give me a heart attack. It was great. I quickly scooped up another bite and hardly paused to chew. "Good?"

I nodded and wiped at my mouth with the back of my hand, sighing contentedly. The throbbing in my skull had died down some, and the late afternoon sun no longer felt murderously bright. "Yeah, thanks, man."

Johnny smiled and sipped at his orange juice, bumping his foot with mine under the table. I wanted to lean over to kiss him, but I'd not brushed my teeth yet and smelled like a barnyard to boot. "M'gonna become a chef. Get me own little _restaurant_." 

The last word was said in a heavy French accent, and I laughed so hard I hiccuped. "Fuck off. What're you gonna offer? Lemonade and biscuits for breakfast?" 

"A good variety of cereal, for one," Johnny replied, leaning back in his chair. His hair was matted down on one side, and there was an abundance of eyeliner clumped in his eyelashes - I thought he looked more handsome than anyone else I'd ever seen. "Toast on the weekends."

I worked on eating the rest of Johnny's eggs before I got up to get a glass of milk. Afterwards we went back upstairs to Johnny's room, and he played me something on his Rickenbacker that sounded sort of familiar, humming the words. " _There is a house in New Orleans...they call the Rising Sun. And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy, and god - I know...I'm one._ "

I felt my skin prickle at the low tone of Johnny's voice, the haunting melody making my heart race in a pleasant way. I took a deep breath to calm myself down and went to grab Johnny's smokes by the bed, lighting one before lying down close to him to listen.

" _My mother was a tailor...she sewed my new blue jeans. My father was a gambling man...down in New...Orleans_."

It was The Animals, I realized. They were more Johnny's thing then mine, but the sound of Johnny's voice singing the words could have easily changed my mind. I blew misshapen smoke rings at the ceiling as Johnny lost himself in that long middle riff and hoped that time would stop altogether, that I could stay here in this moment for the rest of my days. 

" _Oh, mother. Tell your children...not to do what I have done. Spend your lives in sin and misery…in the House...of the Rising Sun_."

/

"I just think we skip the rest of the bloody year. What difference does it make, really? It makes none."

The moon had risen by now, and Johnny was sat next to me on the grass, gazing up at it with his glassy eyes. We'd decided to walk to the park across the road to smoke a joint, and Johnny was busy convincing himself he was way too big a rock star to finish school, though I personally thought it might be good to have an O-level or two as a backup. Just in case. 

"What's a piece of paper gonna do to convince anyone of anything? S'about what you can actually do. Not summat you learned in a sodding classroom."

I nodded along, letting him get it all out before passing him the joint. Johnny sighed and snapped open his Zippo to light it, letting the smoke trickle out his nose once he took a hit. I wasn’t sure I wanted to talk about last night, but Johnny had been nice enough to not bring it up yet, giving me time to think about what I wanted to say. "Alice let me...let me try some stuff last night. It was pretty good. Maybe a little...too good, I guess."

Johnny was quiet for a long time, still looking up at the stars with a pensive expression on his face. I tried to tamp down my nerves, wishing I hadn't said anything, but it was too late now. "Yeah? Didn't seem like you liked it that much to me but...if you say so."

I felt my cheeks heat up and anxiously picked at my calluses, the sting making me feel better. "I, uh...I dunno. It was some white powder. Not coke, she said."

"Heroin."

My heart sank. It felt like someone had just dumped a bucket of ice on my head, and my hands began to shake with fear. “W-what? You mean -” 

“Yeah.” I felt so stupid, so utterly pathetic. Johnny's continued silence only made my panic worsen, and I tried to hold back a sudden burst of tears with little success. "I kinda guessed...she had some -" Johnny paused to gesture at his elbow, and I could hardly breathe through the tightness in my chest. "Wasn't sure though."

Johnny got up to start walking back towards the house, but I couldn't move. I was stuck in place, frozen to the ground. _Heroin_. The word bounced around in my head like a ping pong ball, dread coursing through me. I'd enjoyed taking _heroin_ \- up until I realized I was making out with Alice, not Johnny. Fuck. _Fuck_ , fuck, fuck.

Eventually I staggered to my feet and got myself upright enough I could make my way back across the street. Each step felt like a mile. I wasn't sure I'd even woken up yesterday morning. Maybe I'd dreamed up this whole nightmare somehow. I stood at Johnny's front door and held the door knob for a long while until Johnny swung it open, staring at me with a disheartened expression. "It's...it's okay, Andy. You didn't know."

I could hear the rest of the sentence without him saying it: _but you should've_. I wiped the tears from my face and let Johnny pull me into his arms, letting out ridiculous sobs. I was such a fuck up, god. I couldn't do anything right - couldn't appreciate girls, couldn't make passing marks at school, couldn't stop myself from enjoying _heroin_.

I cried until my chest hurt. Johnny stood there the whole while, right there in the foyer with the door open, and I tried to say thank you but it came out a garbled mess. Johnny seemed to understand though and went to close the front door before taking me up the bathroom so we could get changed into our pajamas, with me in a pair from my place that Angie had dropped off earlier. Johnny washed my face off with that concentrated look of his, carefully rubbing off all the snot under my nose. I honestly didn't know how he could stand me sometimes. 

He helped me into bed before going to get us each a glass of water. I hardly touched mine until he gave me that sharp glare, forcing me to take a few more sips. I'd still not cleaned up, and I was sure I looked awful as ever, but I leaned in close enough to press a kiss to his cheek, with my fingers loosely curled in his white undershirt. 

Before I could pull away, Johnny grabbed at the back of my neck and roughly pushed our lips together. It couldn't have been pleasant, but he slowly worked his mouth against mine as if he wasn't bothered at all, even pushing his tongue in a bit. I couldn't help but kiss him back. My nose was still runny, and my throat was sore, but I liked Johnny's lips on mine too much to ever pull away.

We ended up under the covers after a few minutes, with Johnny stretched on top of me as we continued to kiss, and the moonlight from the window made the hollows of his cheeks look otherworldly, like an alien almost, yet he was still so strikingly beautiful. I ran the tips of my fingers across them as Johnny pushed our pajamas down and started to slowly roll our hips together, like we were making love. That thought made me shiver, and I wrapped my legs around his waist to sink further into that fantasy.

I heard Johnny pulling open the nightstand, and I was a bit nervous about what he had planned - I wasn’t sure I was ready for much other than this, really. But he hadn’t grabbed a rubber or anything too frightening, just the bottle of lube and some tissues. Johnny snapped open the lid with his teeth and squeezed a generous amount into his palm before reaching down to stroke both of us at the same time. 

I let out a low noise, my stomach twisting up with pleasure, and I clung onto Johnny's shoulders with a desperate whine, digging my nails in. Johnny rested his chest against mine once we were both slicked up, letting his hips do all the work again, and the feel of our cocks touching like that was almost too much, too intimate, too pleasurable. I hid my face into his neck to breathe, to try and distract myself, but his scent had my toes curling up, that deep musk that built up when he'd not recently showered making every part of me feel too warm. It was undeniably masculine, such an absolute reminder it was Johnny here on top of me - not some soft lass with a flowery perfume.

Johnny's lips met mine as he began to come, and I was confident enough to push my own tongue out this time, meeting his somewhere in the middle. He tasted like smoke and citrus and everything I wanted. After his orgasm subsided, he reached down to drag his fingers through the mess on my stomach and stroked me a few times, the warm, sticky feeling around my cock making me feel short of breath. "C'mon," Johnny murmured, right against my ear. "Let go for me, Andrew. Come for me, yeah?"

My thighs tensed up as I began to come, each spurt making my balls ache. I could feel my spine bending up, locking into place, as I shivered through the aftermath, Johnny loosely fisting me until it was too much. I tried to roll away when he grabbed the nearby tissues, but he held me down until he'd gotten us both cleaned up and ready for sleep.

I sighed as he straightened up our pajamas and laid himself down by me in the usual way, with his head on my chest. I wrapped my arm around his shoulder like always and kissed his hair over and over again, sighing at the smell of it. 

"We're gonna figure it all out, Andy. I promise. We'll make it work."

I nodded and held him a little tighter in response, not sure what to say other than a quiet _thank you_ and an even softer _I love you_ before we both fell asleep.


End file.
